Constructive Criticisms and Critiques

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Hypnosis, your friendly neighborhood role-player.

I've recently taken a creative writing class, in order to graduate, and I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it. I'd like to post some of my writing on here for criticism, and I was wondering if anyone might be willing to give me some; everyone in class was nice about it, but I figured it was the common bond we shared as both writers and peers, and I like that it would be more impersonal on here.

That said, is anyone willing to help me out? If so, you can follow the links I provide to the stories I'll share. There are only two; they can be found here:

Thank you very much, in advance.

~Hypno

"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live." - Mark Twain

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RolePlayGateway/~3/Sx2reNY-X80/viewtopic.php

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